Anxiety rears its ugly head again. We were leaving on vacation a couple of weeks ago and there it was again. Racing mind, racing heart, irrational thoughts...anxiety. How on earth is vacation making me anxious?? There is so much behind this I could go on for pages and pages, but I won't bore with details. It did. That's the simplest way to say it. Taking a trip was making me nervous. For a week before hand I could barely function. I cried out to God day after day and I wasn't getting the response I wanted or thought I needed. Why wasn't He answering? Why does a loving God make us suffer? I was seeking wise counsel during this week and asking prayer from many prayer warriors I know.
The day we were leaving for vacation was the worst. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital the attack was so harsh. I finally called one of the amazing women God has placed and my life and asked for prayer. She was awesome. She asked if I considered praying about not going instead of praying about the anxiety to stop. Not go? That's crazy! She asked me if I felt God telling me one way or the other and I shared with her about those dumb lies again. I told her that for so long I believed the lies satan told me that I was not sure when God was talking and when satan was. She told me that God talks to her in a still small voice. That means the enemy is chaotic!
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10
So this mighty prayer warrior prayed for me and while she was praying God spoke! He said, "Go on the trip, I will take care of the rest." All the chaos of anxiety and fear had overtaken me and I couldn't hear God until I was still and listened.
That entire week I had been screaming Bible verses worrying about something that was happening a few days later. I was not listening to God in that day, thinking about what He had for me in the moment. Once I realized this, I hung up the phone, found my husband, we prayed and I decided to go (while I was freaking out he packed the car so we could leave as soon as I was ready). He said, "Ok, so we'll leave and if you need to stop, even after one hour, we will!" I told him, "Nope, its over. I think for good." Praise God, I was good the rest of the trip. Something I've really been praying for since then is that I can live for the day that I am in. I spend 90% of the time thinking about what I have to do next. The next hour, the next day, week, sometimes even month. I miss out on what God has for me in that day because I'm worried that I might have to poop on my next trip or if I will wake up tomorrow without anxiety.
The Bible commands that I don't do this.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34
Now, some people take this as a free pass to worry today. I mean, at least I'm not worrying about tomorrow right? WRONG! Obviously, we are going to think about things, problem solve, ask for direction and pray, but crazy amounts of worrying, SIN!
“According to the Bible, there is nothing wrong with realistically acknowledging and trying to deal with the identifiable problems of life. To ignore danger is fooling and wrong. But it is also wrong, as well as unhealthy, to be immobilized by excessive worry. Such worry must be committed to prayer to God, who can release us from paralyzing fear or anxiety, and free us to deal realistically with the needs and welfare both of others and of ourselves.” (Dr. Gary R. Collins, Christian Counseling, p. 66.)
The Bible tells us what to do when we are feeling anxious. It doesn't tell us to sit and stew about it until our hearts start racing and skin starts crawling.
"4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9
Part of the anxiety is the fact that we are trying to control (ok, I can't speak for every single person on the planet with anxiety, but through talks with others and my own experience, I think this is the case for many who deal with it). We are trying to predict what's going to happen, what will be next, whether we will have to go to the bathroom on our 12 hour drive (if you are curious about the remarks about the bathroom, let me know, I'll fill you in...) etc. Now it sounds funny to those of you who have panic attacks because when a panic attack overtakes you, it feel like the opposite. That you have NO CONTROL AT ALL! Maybe this is God's intention. He wants us to completely lose control and GIVE IT TO HIM! I'm not saying that because you pray in the midst of a panic attack it will immediately stop...(though sometimes it will). Maybe the key isn't what we do in the middle of the attack, but before. Maybe the key is to rejoice in the Lord always. Maybe it is to give Him the control before we lose it to panic. Maybe the key is to not worry about tomorrow or today, but give every single second to Christ!
