Worrier.

If you follow my blog, you will realize I am a worrier. If you have known me for more than one second, you know I am a worrier. This is not a fun thing to be. It is not enjoyable. It is also a big fat sin. I have these phases too. I'll be doing really well for a long time and then BAM, crazy worry. I got that BAM about 10-12 weeks into pregnancy (if you ask my nurse practitioner, she would say it was one second after I saw the two pink lines...but details, details). Each stage of pregnancy has brought on a new set of worries.

The brain of pregnant Me: First trimester, miscarriage. Second trimester, make it to 27 weeks...make it to 27 weeks. Third trimester, make it to 35 weeks, make it to 35 weeks. After 35 weeks: When will the baby come? Is she moving? Is she moving enough? 37 weeks GET HER OUT OF ME, SHE'LL BE OK IF SHE IS OUT OF ME! 


Yes. I know. I've repeated verses back to myself over and over. This helps, but not all the time. Being on limited bed rest I think makes it easier to worry. I have LOTS of time to think about all the things that could be wrong etc. I have always been the person who thinks of the absolute worst case scenario, so if something bad happens, and it isn't the worst case scenario, then hey, bonus! I realize that by doing this I am sinning. I am not trusting God. I am not realizing who He is and His faithfulness. I honestly sometimes think to myself, "The moment I start fully trusting God is the moment He will take away something." This is ridiculous. I mean, it could happen, but if that did happen, does that change who He is? That He loves me? That He is faithful? NO! So why do I continue to let satan win, the big JERK!? 


I'm not even sure why I am writing this blog. I started writing it because I hadn't felt the baby move in a while and I was going back and forth about calling the doctor. About 2 minutes into writing this blog she started moving around like crazy and pretty much hasn't stopped! PRAISE GOD! To be honest, I think I needed to get my thoughts out, needed to be honest, and maybe help someone else realize they aren't alone if they worry too. Most importantly, when I write these blogs I try to find verses to go along with what I'm saying. Here is one I've read many times, I may have used it before. I'm using it again. 


"²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:26-28

Point: I can't stop worrying on my own. As I sit here and try to will myself to stop worrying, it doesn't work. I have to ask the Spirit to intercede for me. I have to ask the Spirit to fill me and consume me so my thoughts are not my own. Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me!