Do you ever want to give up?

Do you ever feel tired of fighting the battle? Do you ever feel weary and just want to sit back and let life happen? The battle may look different for you than it looks for me. Some of us fight against drugs, alcohol, laziness, or food. Others have a battlefield of the mind, a battle to keep their anger in check or a struggle to stop gossiping about those around them. For me there are three main things that I battle, lies (not telling them, but believing them) anger and food addiction. Sometimes these battles are so intense, that it causes the good things in our lives to become tasks. We no longer find joy in anything, even the things that God has placed there.

One of the battles for me is the battlefield of the mind. Believing lies to be true. The lies I believe are lies from satan. He has been fueling my mind with lies for so long that there was a point where I believed these lies to be 100% true. Almost a year ago, Jason and I went to meet with our pastor and his wife at their house in Cleveland. I had come to a point where I was tired of fighting. I was sick of the anxiety and frustration in my every day life and wasn't sure how to fight anymore. Our pastor wanted us to come over so he could pray for me and we could talk it out. When I walked in, I wanted to turn around and walk out. There was a loan chair sitting in the middle of the living room. I could feel the battle raging inside, do I want to do this or do I just want to give in again? We chatted for a while and then decided to pray. Instead of asking me specifically what was going on, they wanted me to sit down, put on some worship music and be still. Through this time God revealed much about what was going on with me. There was a moment in this night where it truly hit me that lies had become the truth for me. At one point, our pastor's wife looked at me and asked, "Do you believe that the reason you have not gotten pregnant at this time is because you will be a bad mom?" I looked at her and said, "Well duh? Doesn't every woman believe that?" She told me, "No, Molly. That is a lie straight from hell. That is not the truth." For the first time, I realized that most of what I told myself was not true. From that point on, it continues to be a battle, but only through God am I discovering the truth. I told Jason the other day, you sometimes have to speak the truth out loud and "take captive every thought." 

2 Corinthians 10:5 (New International Version)

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

There are sometimes weeks at a time when I feel like I start over every day. I fought yesterday, wake-up and hear all those lies again. But something else I discovered that night in the loan chair in the living room, I am not fighting this battle alone. Frankly, I am not fighting the battle at all. Cause if I was, I would lose, I was losing. God, the Almighty is fighting the battle for me. 

2 Chronicles 20:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’”

It may seem discouraging sometimes. Why do we continue to fight? Honestly, I don't always have the right answers. Someone else does though...

Galatians 6:8-9 (New International Version)

⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Hebrews 12:1-3 (New International Version)

 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.